My last couple of posts have talked about the girl creature who’s joining our family this spring, but I need to give credit to the one who’s 50% responsible for her, so tonight, I wanted to share six signs that showed me that I chose the one I was supposed to marry.
(Amber note: I know that we’ve been married a relatively short amount of time in the scheme of things, so before all of you long-timers start rolling your eyes about my “sage marriage advice,” consider what you want to add to the list and share your wisdom with all of us!)
1. You can to talk to him about anything:
During our rough summer and the approximately 15,000 doctor’s visits that followed, my poor husband learned more than he ever needed to about the female body, hormones, and just what was going to happen to me as my body recovered. At first, I was a little embarrassed about him knowing all of this, but soon it just became part of our daily routine, and I was able to open up to him more about the not-so-pleasant things happening to me. To his credit, there was only one time where he asked me to stop sharing information!
You don’t have to go through something like that in order to be a good communicator. He has always had a rule that if we start to tell each other something, we are not allowed to just say “never mind” and change the subject. If it’s important enough to bring up, it’s important enough to talk about.
We also can talk about stupid and goofy things without having to worry about being judged by the other person. So, if you find that you can’t really talk to the person you’re dating about fun stuff or serious stuff, you need to reevaluate that relationship!
2. You not getting married out of desperation:
As someone who didn’t get married until age 29 (such an old maid for a Southern girl), I get it, I really do, buuut just don’t. Think about all of the people you’ve dated. No, really think about them. Could you imagine yourself married to any of them? Okay, maybe there is that one guy, but ignore that. He probably snores really loudly and doesn’t have any money in his savings account. You’ll probably also wake up one day (after a really terrible night of sleep because of the snoring) and realize that he wasn’t what you wanted at all.
Seriously, when you approach long term relationships or marriage out of desperation, they’re doomed to fail. I know it might seem like EVERY SINGLE PERSON YOU KNOW is engaged or married, but they’re not. Plus, unfortunately, some of those couples won’t make it. I’ve never gone through a divorce, but I’m just going to take a guess that the loneliness of being single is much more manageable than the pain of ending a marriage.
Plus, when you’re single, you can sleep in the middle of the bed. That’s got to be worth something to you…
3. You have common interests and goals:
When you spend time together, there have to be a few things that you enjoy doing or talking about. We’re both obsessed with our dog (shocking, right?). We also like watching a lot of the same television shows, which has become our new cheap Friday or Saturday night date night. We also have some common goals and ideas for our family- both in its current and future state. You become a team when you get married, so you have to make sure that you’re teammates.
4. You also have your own hobbies:
At the same time, you should have some separate interests and hobbies. My husband has a few “nerd games” that he enjoys, and despite his persistent trying, I have not succumbed to the dark side of playing them. I ask him questions about them, and I’ve given him some suggestions about things when he’s asked, but that’s about as much as I’ve gotten involved. When he goes out nerding, it’s his time to be with his friends and just do…whatever they do. It makes us stronger because we go different places and enjoy different things, and we don’t have to feel like we always have to be glued together to have fun. Also, I bank cool wife points when he gets to go play in tournaments, and those points can be exchanged for household chores. That’s usually the only time the bathroom gets cleaned. 😉
5. You are physically attracted to him:
Yes, you should be the most concerned with what is on the inside, but you have to be physically attracted to his outside appearance too. You also have to think about how that appearance is going to change. I’ve gotten slightly fluffier since we got married, but my husband constantly tells me how beautiful I am, even when I feel less than attractive.
All of us are going to get old and gray and wrinkly. Some of us will grow rounder. Some of us will grow balder. But when you’re in love, you’re going to see the handsome man you married so many years ago.
6. You are committed to sticking it out no matter what:
Times are going to be tough. You are going to get on each other’s nerves (sorry babe). You will wake up with an inch of covers on you with your butt hanging off of the edge of the bed while your husband is lying peacefully on his back in the middle the bed, cocooned in all of the covers that you don’t have.
Uh, sorry, I got a little off track there…
Anyway, my point is, you will have times when you have to fight through things, say some tough things to one another, and really just dig your heels in, and that’s okay. If you’re committed to working through anything, then you know that these are just speed bumps for you two. And, whenever you get through those obstacles, then the next challenges usually don’t seem so big because you know what you’ve already weathered together.
I know there are probably at least a hundred other signs (give or take a couple) that I could list, but I want to hear from you. How did you know you had found your spouse? If you’re not married yet, what are you looking for in your future spouse?