Everyone knows that Christmas is on Friday, December 25 this year, but not as many people may know that the “holiday” of Festivus occurs on Wednesday, December 23 this year. If you’re not familiar with Festivus, then you need to go watch the episode of Seinfeld right now. I’ll hang out here and wait for you to come back…
Okay, now that you know what I’m talking about, time to dive in.
Part of Festivus involves airing your grievances, so I’m going to air mine and hopefully all of you reading will chime in with yours too.
Grievance 1: Kmart
Kmart, you are officially the absolute worst store on the planet. You gave an online order that I was picking up for someone to a complete stranger who didn’t even have the same last name as me. You made my pregnant self stand there for over an hour while your employees tried to figure out what was going on and simultaneously complain about how much they hate working retail. You gave me a $10 gift card after my complaining, and you’d better believe that went into the diaper money stash, but after that, you will never see me again.
Grievance 2: Warm weather at Christmas
Mother Nature, you have lost your mind. I’m not a fan of winter at all, but Christmas is the one time of year that we need cold weather. “Let it Rain” just doesn’t have the same ring as “Let it Snow.” “Baby, It’s Unseasonably Warm Outside” will never be the hit that “Baby, It’s Cold Outside” is. Give us some cold weather for a few days, then be as crazy as you want to be.
Grievance 3: My laptop
I’ve had this laptop since I started my second grad program in 2010 (uh, I think that’s when it was. All of the years blend together sometimes…). It’s functional but terrible. The keys stick, the Internet goes in and out, and sometimes it just randomly shuts itself off. Your days are numbered…you know, after we reach our savings goal for a new computer…
Grievance 4: People who let their dogs run around in other people’s yards
Both of our immediate neighbors let their dogs run around in their yards, but I’m not completely sure that the dogs know where their yards end and ours begins. We have a dog, so I’m not really concerned about them ruining our yards in any way, but when I take our 70 pound dog out on his leash and those little yipping terrors are running around, it can become a not-so-fun game of tug-of-war as I try to keep him from dragging us over to them. Keep your dogs leashed, people!
Grievance 5: People who throw their trash/cigarette butts in your yard
Why thank you for leaving us an apple core, a honey bun wrapper, and a movie ticket stub. Sounds like someone had a wild night.
Grievance 6: Anyone who complains about ridiculous things like their laptop or a national store chain when they have so many things to be thankful for
I’ll show myself to the door now.
Have any grievances to air? Share them!