in #BlogEveryDayInMay

Blog Every Day in May: May 20

Today’s prompt: Get real. Share something you’re struggling with right now

Each time we’ve had these “heavier” prompts like this, I’ve had to fight the urge to be really flippant and jokey and resist saying something like “I’m struggling with not scratching the mosquito bite on my foot.” I think it’s because I have a tendency to cover things up with jokes. I know I’m not alone in this, and it doesn’t make me a bad person. I try to be relatively private, so it’s hard for me to admit personal problems or things that are negative. So, this may be one of the more difficult posts that I’ve written.

I’m struggling with my brain.

My mind tells lies. It tells me that I’m not good enough, I should’ve done this, I should be at this point in my life, I need to be this way, and so on and on and on until I can’t take it anymore. My husband tries to help me get past these things, but he admits that it’s going to take time for me to reprogram my thinking. My pastor has given me a lot of great tools and verses to combat this (not just me personally but everyone who attends the church…wanted to clarify that), but I haven’t made use of them.

I want to change, but I guess I don’t want to enough to actually do it. I’m tired of feeling defeated. I’m tired of the negative self-talk. I know that I’m better than this.

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